Saturday, December 17, 2005

My curiously queer internet friend, Kyle.

Below is a series of emails traded between myself and a gentleman on myspace. This gentleman must have stumbled across my webpage, and being a man of the gay persuasion, felt it necessary to email me, as my profile says that I am gay. It also says a number of other things about my personal statistics that are not only untrue, but (I think) hilariously satirical! If one were only to match my profile information with the pictures I have posted on my profile, they would soon see the obvious divergence between fact and artistic license. You too, will soon see what I am referring to. This clearly did not matter to my new admirer, however, as he immediately shot me a quick note, blind to every glaring incongruity that is present in my information, as soon as he saw that my sexuality read "gay." Perhaps the possibility of new and unfamiliar cock excited him so much that he failed to see the forest for the trees full of straight, satirical me's. As a male, I suppose I can understand- oftentimes we do not think when we act, especially as concerns sexual issues. He is not to be blamed for trying. Our correspondence has not been edited at all. I will continue to update this blog with any future communiques between my new friend Kyle and I.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: kyle
Date: Dec 13, 2005 11:10 AM

Gay and from Fort Worth I see. Do tell.

love - kylzies

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Jonathan
Date: Dec 13, 2005 3:12 PM

Hello Kyle-
Sorry, I'm not gay. I am also not a pacific islander, nor am I 8'11" with the muscular physique of a body builder. In addition, I am also not a Scientologist with a Post grad degree. Furthermore, I do not make over $250,000 a year in my occupation as a boner. I barely make $20,000 in that job. Many apologies, but you are the victim of an elaborate ruse. I hope this doesn't mean that we can't still be friends.
Sincerest regards,

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: kyle
Date: Dec 16, 2005 1:15 PM

Gay or not, you WILL be mine.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
Dec 16, 2005 7:58 PM
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Hello

You've got moxie, kid. I'll give you that. Keep it up, and you may just find a place for yourself in this crazy world. It just won't be inside my asshole.


Here's what my new friend looks like.

Image hosted by

You can visit his site on myspace here.

You can visit my site on myspace here.