Saturday, February 18, 2006

Invocation.

According to my many satisfied customers, the following invocation of The Muse has been known to aid in decreasing blockage, whether it be of the writerly, colonic, colonical, or paved roadway type. Feel free to use it at your leisure. My humblest wish is that it aids you in all of your various endeavors, whatever they may be. And that you'll send me fabulous wads of cash for my work.

Invocation of The Muse.
O, gentle, gentle Muse of One Thousand Graces, bestow upon me Your Greatest Treasure, a Gift akin only to the Likeness of Your Most Precious Countenance- a Gift that, upon receipt, sends Grateful Tears streaking down one's dirty, pock-marked Face, forming Tributaries and Eddies of Salted Water on one's Cheeks and Chins, much like the Rise of the Euphrates and the Rhone after the Onslaught of Highly Prayed Rain Recarves the Parched Countryside, as Cool and Refreshing as a Soothing Mint Libation in the Deadliest of Summer Heat, A Heat Most Hot!, a Heat Hotter than Vesuvius' Lava itself, and Replenishes the Scorched Land, more Scorched than an Eight-Score Desert Traveler, with dense and luscious Vegetation such as to provide Sustenance to its' People for the Entire Season; Such are one's tears upon Receipt of Your Magnificent Gift. I mustneeds beseech Your illuminous Gift, that I may be most Graciously Blessed to regale but a Fraction of That which I shall undoubtedly experience in My Sojourn into the Great Unknown, The Dentist's Office, The Voting Booth, The Backseat Of His Car, The Spidery Garage, The Library where All the Homeless Hang Out, The Rapey Junkyard to replace a Wheel Cover that Costs maybe $5 more at Auto Zone, The Sears to Replace a Broken Vanity Mirror that Shattered when Inflamed Passion towards My Seethingly Curious and Annoying Cat directed my Hand to Loose Itself of the Nearly Empty Can of Spirits in the Vicinity of My Feline's nosey Paws, or The Spidery Backseat of That Homeless Man's Junked Out Van. This I beseech You, O Muse.

3 comments:

Claudette said...

ah yes an invocation of epic proportions!

My students just read "The Odyssey" and had to write their own epics complete with god and invocation. I'm so printing this for an example for next year...

Claudette said...

ah yes an invocation of epic proportions!

My students just read "The Odyssey" and had to write their own epics complete with god and invocation. I'm so printing this for an example for next year...

Jonathan said...

Awesome! Maybe take out the rapey parts. You could get fired for that.