Friday, November 11, 2005

Myths debunked.

It may not work on humans, but I determined tonight that you can, in fact, scare beings out of having the hiccups. I performed this miracle on my dog, Story. She, while being angry that I frightened her from her apneatic slumber, appreciated the fact that she could resume, nay, begin peaceful rest without the overwhelming, burdensome task of attempting reprise from the taxing chores of caninedom while presenting herself as an open target to any passing, I don't know, starving mountain lion or drunken narcissist. She ignores me now, but I think she'll love me again tomorrow. When I hold her food above her face in a plastic baggie and make her beg for it. For, like, three hours.
However, upon further thought, I must say that I have indeed scared a human out of the hiccups as well. When the usual BOO!'s and loud noises failed to work on my boss Chris one day, at some point I calmly turned to him, looked directly into his eyes, and said, "You will always be in debt, and you will die alone." It worked. He committed suicide later that evening.

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