Thursday, March 06, 2014

52 Places To Visit in 2014

Sure, everyone knows the economy is improving. Some of us are finally out of the icy grip of those poisonous home mortgages that crippled the country a few years ago, interest rates are going down, and wages are (albeit slowly) heading up.  With Spring rapidly approaching, everyone is anxious to emerge from an extended hibernation and experience life with a renewed sense of vigor, promising never to take a warm day for granted again. Still, Americans are trepidacious. We're worried about dropping three grand on an all inclusive trip to Barbados, lest the bottom fall out of the economy again and we come back from a nice vacation with a killer tan and a pink slip.

The term "staycation" has come and gone, but in that vein, I'd like to present you with an easily achievable list of 52 places that you can visit quickly and cheaply, in your own town. Some people I've known have spread this list out over the course of days, weeks, even months, in order to savor the list's subtle intricacies, and some people have accomplished the entire thing (and more) in less than two days!

However you choose to tackle this list, it is my hope that you're able to extrude as much enjoyment and self-satisfaction that so many others have who have tried it. Let me know when you're getting close to finishing!
2. Home
3. Work
4. 4 a.m. Bar
5. Work (Two Hours Late)
6. Home
7. All Night Rodeo
8. Work (Four Hours Late)
9. Supervisor's Office
10. Human Resources Department
11. New Desk Nearer Boss
12. Stall in Men's Room for Last Half of Day
13. Liquor Store
14. Garage at Home
16. Seedy Strip Club on West Side
17. Work (Six Hours Late)
18. Regional Supervisor's Office
19. Desk to Collect Things
20. Home
21. Kitchen for Meeting with Husband/Wife
22. Bathroom to Escape Yelling
23. Backyard via Bathroom Window
24. Nearest Bar (Walking Distance)
25. Drug Squat with New Friends
26. Emergency Room for Slight Overdose
27. Sofa in Living Room
28. Unemployment Office
29. Attorney's Office with Husband/Wife
30. Home to Collect Necessities
31. Number 27 Bus to Nearest YMCA
32. Cramped, Shared Room with Schizophrenic Veteran
33. Nightmarish, Fevered Dreamscape of Life Gone Wrong
34. Food Stamp Office
35. Nearest Corner (for Change Begging)
36. City Lockup for Vagrancy
37. Highway 57 for Work Detail
38. Nearest Open Sewage Drain (for Stealthy Escape)
39. Waste Water Treatment Plant 3.5 Miles Away
40. 1994 Chrysler LeBaron (Stolen from Plant Supervisor)
41. YMCA for Quick Shower
42. Home to Plead with Husband/Wife
43. Backyard to Escape Yelling/Thrown Objects
44. Alley over Fence to Avoid Telephoned Authorities
45. Neighbor's House for Children's Bicycle Carelessly Left in Front Yard
46. Drug Squat for Sanctuary
47. Plate Glass Window (Thrown Through by Tweakers Wishing to Avoid "Heat")
48. Hospital for Multiple Lacerations
49. County Jail
50. 6x9 Cell for Meeting with New Roommate
51. Prison Infirmary
52. Early Grave

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